Sunday, July 19, 2015

SHORT STORY: GUILT

Copyright@shravancharitymission

By Kamlesh Tripathi








    When I was young, my maternal Granny often used to sound me as an endearing edict, that when I die, take my mortal remains to the banks of river Ganga for cremation, considered, the ultimate holy grail to the splendorous gateway of heaven, in Hindus. But I was not sure, if she ever realised, whether a ten year old kid understood, what she meant. Surely, I had no idea, of what a ‘cremation on the banks of river Ganga’ meant, until one day, I actually saw a dead body being cremated, while I was crossing river Ganga, at Kanpur in a train. And, it shook me as a teen.

    My Mom, was her only issue, and she understood her mother’s, writhing trauma, for ages, encased in her subconscious, quite orderly. And she often hovered around, sensing, Granny might repeat her will, for Ganga, at the pangs of beyond-life, insecurities.

        And, then sneaked the meandering rigmarole of my life, in the face of school, college and a job, and then raising a family. But all of this didn’t deter her from placing her request, whenever she had an opportunity.

    And, as life flew, I lost my Mom, and with that Granny’s infrequent requests, became more like, frequent holy warnings—she, be taken to the banks of river Ganga.

   But, in the drift of life, for quite some time, I was posted away from hometown and during this period whenever I spoke to her I did assure her a cremation on the banks of holy river Ganga.

    But when the destined moment came, unannounced, I could not reach on time, and she was cremated on the banks of river Gomti in Lucknow, about eighty km before the banks of river Ganga.

    That gave me a remorse lifelong feel, as if, between Gomti and Ganga, she had lost the battle because of me.

    And, since then, years have passed, but she hasn’t complained to me. My guilt says she couldn’t reach heaven. My heart says she smiles at me from heaven.

    And, today, I am returning from the banks of river Ganga. Where I came here to ride over my guilt, and to request Holy Ganga, if not already, take her to heaven now. And, to offer my lifetime apologies to her, from the serene surroundings of holy river Ganga.  But I guess I came quite late, and more towards when, even I have started thinking of the holy river Ganga.

    There are a few things that are non-negotiable in life: one is death.
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